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LiveSexyDolls

Into every adult chat site reviewer's life some rain must fall. We've gotta take the good with the bad, because today's the first day of the rest of our life. It's hard to soar with the eagles when we're flapping with the turkeys. We get what we pay for. We've gotta know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em.

Now that we're done with the axiomatic banalities, let's just say that as a name for the site currently under perusal, LiveSexyDolls is kind of an oxymoron (which is not a term for someone too stupid to breathe, but should be). Why? Well, take a look -- a good long look. G'head, g'head.



I'm sure you've noticed the problem by now. See that blurb at the top of the page that says "24/7 XXX Action!"? That's a big ol' lie. We logged on several times over the course of several days and never saw any action at all. Not one girl. Check out the picture again, and you'll see that all the girls are listed as being offline. We're assuming that the site is active, but we never got any actual proof that this was the case. We're sure they'll happily take your cash, though.

Now, we know in our hearts that LiveSexyDolls would love to actually have 24/7 XXX Action!, and it probably would if it had more than, oh, 45 girls in four categories. Over the years, we've developed a theory that most adult chat sites, of whatever type and size, almost never have more than 2-4 percent of their performers active at any one time. It's rare to see any more than that online. This works out pretty well on a site that has thousands of girls online, say for instance I’mLive or iFrends, and it's okay for a site that has a few hundred, like LiveCamNetwork; most of the time someone's there to light your candle. But with a tiny site like 2Lips or LiveSexyDolls (which abbreviates amusingly to LSD), you're usually shit outta luck (which abbreviates less amusingly to SOL). If our calculations are right, you'll never see more than 1 or 2 girls online, and even then you have to time your visits just right. Our visits, alas, have not been timed just right.

It's hard to review a site like this one, unless of course it does outrageous things like try to rip you off -- in which case one can rip it to shreds and thoroughly enjoy the process. (I'm thinking specifically of egregious, evil sites like CamChatter; check out the relevant review. If it's not the Sauron of adult cam sites, it's at least the Lord Voldemort.) But cheating the customer doesn't appear to be on the agenda at LiveSexyDolls. It would be nice if there were girls available to review and groove to; "But noooooooo!", in the immortal words of John Belushi (rest his soul).*

All the girls on the roster are white -- we assume they're the standard Central European types -- and there's one, count it, one girl-girl couple. There's a decent cross-section of vanilla, but that's all there is. And are there homegirls, the entire reason for our online existence? Well, it's hard to say, but if hard pressed we'd say…hell no. Too many of the backgrounds and the sheet sets are too similar for us to say so. Sure, we may be wrong, but we don't think so.

We can't tell you anything about the quality of the video chat, since we didn't actually experience any, but we can tell you that the girls fall into the middle-range when it comes to price. You can get free chat, voyeur chat, group chat, and VIP chat, and every single lady we checked on was asking $1.99 and $2.99 for group and VIP, respectively (who knows for voyeur). But apparently they've come up with a great way for us visitors to save our money -- by not spending any. There's never anyone there to spend the money on.

Thank goodness LiveSexyDolls don't try to stick you with a costly membership (or subscription, as they call it here), because it wouldn't be worth it -- no how, no way. Your subscription is free; all you do is provide a user name, password, and email address. Can't complain about that. As for the price, you can buy credits in chunks of 10, 20, 50, and 100. They cost a buck apiece, but it you buy 100, you get a dollar off. Woohoo! You can pay by Visa and MasterCard, so that's simple enough.

Final analysis: sorry, but this LSD doesn't get us high. Oh, it's got some pretty girls, but it's too sparsely populated to float our boat, if you get our drift. It needs to grow yet and gain some potential before it's worth the effort of finding it on the Internet. So A for Effort, and A for Execution, but ZZZZ for Excitement. We're going to come back later, though, so you'll probably get an update if things get better. Check back in a few months, awright?


*And if you can actually remember him saying that on live TV, you're probably at least as old as we are, so rest your soul, too.

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